2020 - New beginnings
Hello all. It’s my first time blogging here. My aim in 2020 to be more VISIBLE, I thought starting a blog is a good way to begin.
I imagine a lot of my ex work colleagues (and a few clients) think that I’ve fallen off the face of the earth - and to a point they would be right in thinking that. OK, it’s not that dramatic. However I’ve had a massive turning point in my life; I made a sea change to experience coastal life in a quirky seaside town and then I became a mum for the first time, which means to many of my colleagues I’ve never been seen of again.
My maternity leave ended up being extended, which initially was all my choice, and then it got extended again, which was sadly not my choice. So to turn this into a positive I’m taking this opportunity to kick start my writing, to take a step forward and become the visible me.
Back in December 2018 (saying that seems like a VERY long time ago) I was working as a contractor for Equal Experts doing a stint at the Home Office as an Agile coach. It was all very nice, great work, a good team, but at the time I was also heavily pregnant. The baby was engaged from quite early on and I was so convinced that he/she (I didn’t want to know the sex at the time) was going to be delivered early. He (or was it a she?) was engaged from 30 weeks and, much to the amusement of some of the team I was training, I had a bit of trouble walking on some days. I now think it was down to the fact I was commuting 4 hours (4-ish on a good day) back and forward to Westminster from my seaside town of Margate three times a week. My body was NOT happy, especially when I was being refused seats on a hot tube – despite it being December my body was hormonal and I was boiling!
Low and behold my baby, had become quite the IT project and was delivered 17 days overdue from the scheduled ‘launch’ date. He (it’s a boy!) arrived in the 3rd week of January. PHEW......that was a long wait!
At the time when I started my maternity leave, I had every intention to return back into working when he was 6 months old, but I had no clue about babies, about feeding babies, about looking after babies, nor did I have any clue about the bond you have with your precious baby. So 3 months rolled around and I was in a love bubble. Then 6 months rolled around and I was in a feeding nightmare; and then….well the unexpected happened, my Mum died.
It was all quite out of the blue. I mean, my mum had been ill but we never could have imagined this outcome. I just went into a state of numbness. At the time I had been having chats with prospective clients, but my interest and motivation went completely off the boil and all I wanted to do was spend every second with my new child (…and my husband, but mainly my child - sorry D).
Grief hit me with shock and then anger. Now, according to the grief diagram, I’m at that clichéd stage of sadness, which then gets replaced with anger - I’m see-sawing between the two. Though it hasn’t been the kind of grief when you can’t get out of your pyjamas for weeks and have those ugly crying episodes, no - because I’ve been totally distracted with being a mother. I’ve got a purpose every day; 6am I’ve got to be up, breakfasts to be dished out and life to be getting on with. My grief has been more of a slow burn; it could be a song on the radio whilst you are cooking dinner, or a favourite saying of your mums which you find yourself repeating. And even then it’s not engulfing sadness, it’s more of a slap around the face - it stings but you recover quickly.
However, what has been surprising has been my flow of creativity. I joined a creative writing class shortly after my mum’s funeral. Stories flowed out of me, and not sad ones, or auto-biographical memoirs of my life with Mum, but funny stuff. I wrote plot-twists, and murder mysteries that I would read out in class and people would say, “Oh, that was brilliant, I wasn’t expecting that!”. Yes, of course I wrote a horrible dark poem one day when I was on a low ebb, but it was mostly interesting, funny, brilliant writing. I was impressed and surprised by myself - I didn’t see that one coming.
I also started thinking about my working life. What did I want to do next? So out came the white board paper which I promptly stuck up in my dining room and I went trello board crazy! I brain-stormed, mind-mapped, pitched ideas to people in my circle and went to numerous networking events. I talked to people and I did lots of research. All in all, it has lead to quite a bit of soul searching around my values, wants and desires.
I came up with the following conclusions:
My child and my husband are No.1 (as they should be).
It’s not sustainable or achievable to be commuting 4(ish) hours a day
Technology has provided an open office - I can work anywhere, as long as I have an internet connection and the right tools.
I want to work on things I’m passionate about, which is the state of the planet and it’s people that occupy it
I don’t need to pigeon-hole myself into the usual roles which I have done in the past - as long as the purpose is right I can be experimental in what I do.
I need to step out of my comfort zone if I want to achieve all this.
So I’ve started! I’ve rebranded my business and you can find me on Instagram @keepgoodco.here...I’ve also set as my goal for this year, to embark on meeting #100people in real life, which should help with succeeding in my aim - to be more VISIBLE. I’m plotting away, making connections, actioning my ideas and working with some very new clients. I’m excited to see where this takes me. I haven’t reached capacity so there is still space for new work - so please shout if you need the help.
In summary, I haven’t disappeared. My life has taken a few dips and turns, but overall it’s been for the better. I’m excited about reconnecting with people I’ve worked with and using my #100people challenge and getting some air time with those I’ve admired from afar. So, here’s to continuing to be inspired - even from the unexpected!
Thank you for reading.
Carrie
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