Seasons of parenting
Having just come out of a particularly intense parenting period (again!). I wanted to write some thoughts about the feelings and passage of time, and it felt important to share. I speak to a lot of women who are wading through these times, and I feel like we all need a collective hug.
That feeling creeps up on women so much when they have children, whereby they judge themselves on their productivity, and their achievements in those early, hard, in the trenches days (or years) with young children.
I think for a lot of us, myself included, we can feel a bit stuck. It could be due to sickness with kids, or we aren’t where we thought we would be career wise due to taking time out to have babies; or just the simple things of being social, having a night out/a weekend away, which clashes with our kids' busy social schedules.
We feel frustrated, angry even, as we have been sold this idea as we have grown up as young women, that we can have it all. We can have a high achieving role at work, go for the big promotion, keep up our social lives, our fitness regimes all while raising children.
We can do it all, BUT no one mentions the small print, that we have to do it all, but with less help, or, even worse no help! And no one to even talk to about it, it can be super hard.
Families are not round the corner, friends disappear and that village that we were told everyone needs to raise a child is nonexistent. You are on your own, no-one is coming to save you....you try for a long time to keep the plates spinning (pandemic? How long did we do that for, 2 years?) and we end up doing all of it, but not very well. No wonder it feels like shit, you can feel like a bit of a failure, as you question why can't I do it all?
I recently learnt the concept of seasons, thank-you Dr Yekemi Otaru....and it’s changed my outlook.
A season is the concept of a phase, could be months, could be years. You are in a moment, where your time isn’t your own. You are in the season of service. You have a lot of ideas, and maybe, perhaps opportunities, but due to time, money, or energy, you can’t commit to the intended plans.
How can you navigate a season with a different mindset? So you can not just tolerate it, but even embrace it. I would love for us all to give ourselves the permission to enjoy the simplicity of being Mum without the feeling that we are somehow wasting our intellect or time. Nothing given to a child is ever wasted.
I like to think the key thing here is surrendering…
You ultimately have to surrender to your situation, it can feel defeatist, but I think as women we fire-fight so much, trying to problem solve and deliver to everyone and be everything and then we suffer from burn out.
Here are some things to consider during these tricky times:-
Scale back - don’t burn yourself out by over-committing. Slow everything down, move things, cancel things so you move through this season and do the bare minimum
Feel the sadness - at canceling plans, weekends away, not putting yourself forward for that work opportunity - you are allowed to be sad that this thing can’t happen for you right now
Avoid the “treasure every moment” brigade, you don’t need anyone trying to shame you
Surround yourself with people who get it, will understand the frustration, and be a kind and reassuring ear, its so magic to just be heard
And lastly, you can come back to it, the event, the prospect, the plan. It might take longer, but when you get there it will be so much more to enjoyable and you will be able to relish in the accomplishment
Sending love to the ones that feel their life is on pause
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